Headlines You Would Like to See

[TheNewMe]

Mitt Romney and Jon Huntsman Marry Each Other, Keep Wives. Mitt: "We wanted to show people that we support the old Mormon way of multiple spouses, and the new American way of gay marriage."

Rick Perry Sentenced to Mexican Prison While on Vacation Crime Spree. Cell mate is relative of person he executed in TX.

David Prosser Knocks out Scott Walker During Heated Argument. Prosser: "His head shouldn't have been where my fist was going to be. Plus, I thought he was a woman." Anger management therapy still not in the works.

Chris Christie Stuck in Capitol Building Doorway - Deemed Too Fat to Govern." The governor's aide was quoted as saying: "We tried covering him with butter to get him unstuck, but he ate it and made matters worse."

Rupert Murdoch and Son James Sentenced to British Prison in Hacking Scandal. Empire Disintegrates. Fox News channel turned over to Chris Hayes (of The Nation). Chris: "It's time to clean up!"

John Boehner Overdoses on Beta-Carotene, Becomes More Orange. Boehner: "I'm raising the debt ceiling - Tea Party be damned! I've got other things to worry about."

Al Franken converts Rand Paul to Democrat. Paul: "Al has been so much nicer to me than my dad, who is an Asshat."

Wisconsin Republican Senators Lose Big in Recall Elections, Dems Take over Senate. Wisconsin people put their minds back on the Green Bay Packers.

Representative Paul Ryan Thrown Under Bus by Fellow Republicans. Literally. His doctors were quoted as saying: "The bus didn't do that much damage. However, we're keeping him under observation. He is a harm to himself and others."

Minnesota Governor Mark Dayton's Dogs "Convince" Senate Republican Leader Amy Koch and Republican Representative Kurt Zellers to Tax the Rich. Dayton: "I love those dogs! Uffda!"

Michele Bachmann Has Abortion, Tea Party Heads Explode. Bachmann: "IOKIYAR."

Sarah Palin Shaves Head, Reveals 666."

Barack Obama Takes Proper Vacation, Wins Karaoke Contest Singing "Margaritaville." Obama: "I've just always liked that song."



I got bored driving across Ohio today, so came up with these

[SeattleGirl]

You should be bored more often, TNM. Those are hysterical!

[TheNewMe]

(07-08-2011 03:46 PM)SeattleGirl Wrote:  You should be bored more often, TNM. Those are hysterical!

heh heh! Well, I'm driving through Pennsylvania today. The boredom may continue!

[jaxx]

Chris Christie Stuck in Capitol Building Doorway - Deemed Too Fat to Govern." The governor's aide was quoted as saying: "We tried covering him with butter to get him unstuck, but he ate it and made matters worse."


OMG I can't get that image out of my mind.

[TheNewMe]

(07-08-2011 09:01 PM)jaxx Wrote:  Chris Christie Stuck in Capitol Building Doorway - Deemed Too Fat to Govern." The governor's aide was quoted as saying: "We tried covering him with butter to get him unstuck, but he ate it and made matters worse."


OMG I can't get that image out of my mind.

I hope you didn't have nightmares last night

[There Is No Spoon]

Those are hilarious!

[Treestar]

Funny stuff, New Me! You should write for Jon Stewart!

[TheNewMe]

These were thought up while driving through Pennsylvania.


Family Dog Takes Out Restraining Order Against Rick Santorum. Fido: “It makes me nervous the way he looks at me.”

Walton Family Lost in Andes, Walmart Becomes Unionized and Employee-Owned. Spokeswoman: “The Walton Family is feared/hoped to be stranded in the mountains, possibly eating each other’s flesh.”

Scott Walker Missing after Run-In with Unionized Biker Gang - Tony Shaloub Takes over as Governor. Shaloub (in Detective Monk voice): "Here's What Happened...."

Koch Brothers Sentenced for Campaign Finance Fraud. Forced to give all their money to teachers unions and Planned Parenthood.

Republicans in US House and Senate Lose Health Insurance. Many take second job at Starbucks.

Grover Norquist Slips in Bathtub, Nearly Drowns. Vows to never bathe again.

Clarence Thomas Thrown off Supreme Court for Hiding Wife’s Income - Anita Hill Named New Justice. Thomas spends his days downloading porn.

Justice Scalia Quits Court. No one knows why, just glad he’s gone.

Cenk Uygur Pulled from MSNBC Show, Replaced by Geico Gecko.

Bill O’Reilly Loses Job, Becomes Door-to-Door Loofah Salesman. Scares children with shouting.

Rush Limbaugh Permanently Loses Voice in Rare Cigar/Oxycontin Interaction. Nation breathes collective sigh of relief!

Rachel Maddow Wins Massive Write-In Campaign Against Scott Brown, Becomes Massachusetts Senator. Maddow: “I didn’t run – really. But what the heck! I’ll take it.”

Howard Dean Takes Over as HHS Secretary –Converts US Healthcare to Single Payer.

Robert Kennedy, Jr and Al Gore Team up and Fix Global Warming.

Minnesota Vikings Finally Win Super Bowl! Brett Favre, 60, retires for the 20th time.



Note. If you don't get the 3rd one, Tony Shaloub's sister is a teacher in Wisconsin. Tony spoke at a rally for union rights in the spring.

[There Is No Spoon]

(07-09-2011 05:39 PM)TheNewMe Wrote:  These were thought up while driving through Pennsylvania.


Family Dog Takes Out Restraining Order Against Rick Santorum. Fido: “It makes me nervous the way he looks at me.”

Walton Family Lost in Andes, Walmart Becomes Unionized and Employee-Owned. Spokeswoman: “The Walton Family is feared/hoped to be stranded in the mountains, possibly eating each other’s flesh.”

Scott Walker Missing after Run-In with Unionized Biker Gang - Tony Shaloub Takes over as Governor. Shaloub (in Detective Monk voice): "Here's What Happened...."

Koch Brothers Sentenced for Campaign Finance Fraud. Forced to give all their money to teachers unions and Planned Parenthood.

Republicans in US House and Senate Lose Health Insurance. Many take second job at Starbucks.

Grover Norquist Slips in Bathtub, Nearly Drowns. Vows to never bathe again.

Clarence Thomas Thrown off Supreme Court for Hiding Wife’s Income - Anita Hill Named New Justice. Thomas spends his days downloading porn.

Justice Scalia Quits Court. No one knows why, just glad he’s gone.

Cenk Uygur Pulled from MSNBC Show, Replaced by Geico Gecko.

Bill O’Reilly Loses Job, Becomes Door-to-Door Loofah Salesman. Scares children with shouting.

Rush Limbaugh Permanently Loses Voice in Rare Cigar/Oxycontin Interaction. Nation breathes collective sigh of relief!

Rachel Maddow Wins Massive Write-In Campaign Against Scott Brown, Becomes Massachusetts Senator. Maddow: “I didn’t run – really. But what the heck! I’ll take it.”

Howard Dean Takes Over as HHS Secretary –Converts US Healthcare to Single Payer.

Robert Kennedy, Jr and Al Gore Team up and Fix Global Warming.

Minnesota Vikings Finally Win Super Bowl! Brett Favre, 60, retires for the 20th time.



Note. If you don't get the 3rd one, Tony Shaloub's sister is a teacher in Wisconsin. Tony spoke at a rally for union rights in the spring.

You should run a weekly "Headlines" segment

[SeattleGirl]

(07-09-2011 06:04 PM)There Is No Spoon Wrote:  

You should run a weekly "Headlines" segment

Ooooh, I'll second THAT idea!!

[azmouse]

I'd pay to hear Pres Obama karaoke!

[TheNewMe]

George Stephanopoulos Turns to Horse Tranquilizers after Repeated Interviews with Michele Bachmann. George: “The smaller pills don’t handle Bat-Shit Crazy.”

Maine Governor Paul LePage Mysteriously Disappears into Stephen King Novel. Stuck forever behind work mural.

Gabby Giffords Removes Right Brain, Wins Debate Against Palin & Bachmann. Giffords: “They don’t have half a brain between them. I wanted to make it fair.”

Massachusetts Votes in Minimum IQ for Traveling Politicians, Keeps Sarah Palin out of State. After Paul Revere comments by Palin, Gov Patrick was quoted as saying: “The stupid, it hurts!”

Paul Ryan Zapped by Seniors at Town Hall Meeting. Angry voters wield makeshift taser made from old pacemakers.

[DFW]

Ann Coulter cancels talk show due to emergency surgery to repair her bile duct. Ten inch sewer pipe inserted to allow time to heal.



Bill O'Reilly lectures at a clinic for anger management, is forcibly admitted on an inpatient basis.

[TheNewMe]

(07-10-2011 03:13 PM)DFW Wrote:  Ann Coulter cancels talk show due to emergency surgery to repair her bile duct. Ten inch sewer pipe inserted to allow time to heal.

The picture of her scares me! I didn't know she was still around.

There are probably a lot of people on Fox News who I never see. I recently flipped through channels and caught a glimpse of Geraldo Rivera on that channel. He's looking like Colonel Sanders.

[DFW]

President George W. Bush Library opens to wide astonishment

[DFW]

G.W. Bush travels to China, learns Mandarin

[SeattleGirl]

Paul Ryan Zapped by Seniors at Town Hall Meeting. Angry voters wield makeshift taser made from old pacemakers.

[KonaKane]

[Still a Democrat]

A lot of people found the other site that way.

How about Ten Headlines We'd Like To See on a weekly basis?

Would there be a way to promote it?

[TheNewMe]

(07-10-2011 08:06 PM)Still a Democrat Wrote:  A lot of people found the other site that way.

How about Ten Headlines We'd Like To See on a weekly basis?

Would there be a way to promote it?

Ok, I will try it. TINS has put a permanent thread at the very top called "Social Media Buttons at Top of Threads." He has shown me how to submit to Reddit. When I submit threads there, we get a lot of traffic. I don't think people who come from there sign up though. We can all try to learn other ways of promoting. Maybe TINS can help us.