Bungled Burglary May Signal Shift in GOP Tax Policy

[The Desperate Blogger]

Two weeks ago, it seemed like a routine crime.

On the evening of June 17, an alert security guard notified Cleveland police when he realized someone had used duct tape to obscure two security cameras in the North Pointe Apartments office occupied by the conservative lobbying organization ‘Americans for Tax Reform’.  Police responding to the scene arrested five men attempting to flee the scene, two of whom were carrying boxes containing documents.

But while the men were detained in a local jail, police discovered that the identifications they carried that night were fake.  Fingerprint records indicated that all five live in the Los Angeles area. All have ties to the CIA and two are Venezuelan nationals connected with anti-Chavez organizations.  The individual authorities believe was the ring-leader was once a high level intelligence operative rumored to have been involved in the failed 2002 coup attempt against Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez.  He is currently a real estate broker in Los Angeles who, according to business records, employs the other four men.

And according to Newton Toomey, an anonymous source who was present during the interrogations, the alleged ring-leader -- identified as Venezuelan-born  Leonard B. Larker, 55 -- indicated that those responsible for planning the break-in may have connections that reach to “the very top” of the Republican party.

“The suspect indicated that he was hired to retrieve documents bearing the signatures of various individuals who are experiencing misgivings about having signed them,” Toomey told a reporter from Locksmith’s Weekly magazine.  “Ironically, these weren’t the most gifted of burglars – the boxes they were absconding with contained no signed documents whatsoever. All we found in them was a bunch of blank Kenyan birth certificates.”

Tea Party activist Wilford Dumfuq expressed a view shared by many on the right when he told anyone who would listen about his belief that, “sinister forces are at work in the Republican party,” explaining, “All but 14 Republican members of Congress have signed a pledge written by ATR founder Grover Norquist in which they promise the voters that they will never, under any circumstances, vote for any tax increase.  If someone is now attempting to steal signed documents from those offices, it’s logical to assume that they are about renege on that pledge.”

When asked at their daily press briefing about a possible link between GOP lawmakers and the botched Cleveland break-in, visibly startled House Speaker John Boehner and Majority Leader Eric Cantor vehemently denied any prior knowledge of illegal activity or attempted cover-up by anyone on Capitol Hill, adding, “We are not crooks.”

When asked if there was any talk of Republicans budging on their current ‘negotiating’ position with Democrats that tax increases are ‘off the table’, the Bronze Clod responded, “Like any of us, as long as someone can produce a piece of paper with my signature on it, I’ll keep my word.”

[jaxx]

Great stuff TDB. The bronze clod........LMAO

[Treestar]

The bronze clod! The story of how they obtained blank Kenyan birth certificates would be interesting too!

[DFW]

Tea Party activist Wilford Dumfuq!!! Aren't they ALL relatives of his?

[TheNewMe]

This was before anyone posted responses. Then I reread it, then I started googling Leonard B. Larker.

You might think I'm a republican voter, as gullible as I am!

[The Desperate Blogger]

(07-05-2011 02:15 PM)TheNewMe Wrote:  This was before anyone posted responses. Then I reread it, then I started googling Leonard B. Larker.

You might think I'm a republican voter, as gullible as I am!

I get a lot of that -- a good indication of how outrageous you have to get to satirize these guys...

Now that it's been out for a while, clicking the embedded links for 'North Pointe Apartments' and 'Leonard B. Larker' might (I hope) give you a chuckle...

[TheNewMe]

(07-05-2011 02:59 PM)The Desperate Blogger Wrote:  Now that it's been out for a while, clicking the embedded links for 'North Pointe Apartments' and 'Leonard B. Larker' might (I hope) give you a chuckle...

AHA!! "Formerly the Watergate Apartments!" How did you find this?

[jaxx]

I fell for one awhile back TheNewMe. Ohhhhhh it was so easy!!

[TheNewMe]

(07-05-2011 02:27 PM)jaxx Wrote:  I fell for one awhile back TheNewMe. Ohhhhhh it was so easy!!

heh heh! I'm glad I'm not the only one.

I know I don't pay attention to all that is going on, so I thought, "I don't know what to think of this. Let me sit back and see if someone else replies first ."

Now we know what the right-wingers feel like who were lured in by Stephen Colbert when his show was first on