Take Five (urge for going edition)

[JeffR]

ONE: Maybe the rest of Wisconsin should sue Ripon for redress.

With some justification, Ripon, Wisconsin describes itself as the "Birthplace of the Republican Party" since the founding of the party began with a meeting there in 1854. And the GOP isn't finished with Wisconsin yet.

It seems like ancient history already, but a February 11 news item really provides all the context one needs to understand just what Wisconsin is up against. His name is Scott Walker.

Keep in mind that this was before a single person took up a picket sign, before Egyptians started ordering pizzas for Wisconsin protesters, and before 14 Democratic state Senators slipped over the state line in a last-ditch attempt to stop Walker's deranged agenda.

Walker said Friday that he hasn’t called the Guard into action, but he has briefed them and other state agencies in preparation of any problems that could result in a disruption of state services, like staffing at prisons.

Walker says he has every confidence that state employees will continue to show up for work and do their jobs and he’s not anticipating any problems.

And having started from a position of stolid asshattery, Walker hasn't budged a micron:

Walker said Monday afternoon he wasn't interested in compromises that have been floated by public employee unions and even a Republican state senator. He spoke inside his heavily guarded conference room in the Capitol as thousands of people screamed and stomped outside his office to "Recall Walker!"

For some time, I've been eying Ohio's John Kasich as the nation's most objectionable rookie Governor, but Walker has really vaulted to the head of the pack.

As to his fellow Republicans in the Wisconsin Senate, they've been nose-to-the-grindstone crafting a salute to the Green Bay Packers, who will likely be asked by the Governor to give up their collective bargaining rights as members of the NFLPA, or relocate out of the Badger State if they insist on being selfish Commies.

TWO: Reach out and touch someone.

Sure, Scott Walker is a miserable hosepail, but even a miserable hosepail needs a friend sometimes. So I'm pleased to report that Walker got a "supportive" phone call from kindly billionaire "David Koch".

And on the other side of the pond, Italy's Premier Silvio Berlusconi called his buddy Moammar Gadhafi, who has his own protest problems. A transcript follows:

SB: Moo? Silvio here. What happening down there, my man?

MG: Silli! Good to hear your voice. Hey, it's this damn Egypt thing, you know? I told Mubarak "Tighten the damn screws!" but he wouldn't listen. Now everybody's gone bananas. Democracy this and reform that.

SB: Hey, I hear ya. Look, Moo, is there anything I can do?

MG: I'm starting to think this country doesn't deserve to have me as its Guide of the First of September Great Revolution of the Socialist People's Libyan Arab Jamahiriya. I need to clear my head, kick back a little, you know? Think you can put me up for a while?

SB: Moo, I'd love to, really, but I have a huge bunga bunga coming up and the place is full up for the next month.

MG: Silli, c'mon, I'm dying here. That place of yours is so big it could house the Duggars. All of them. It'd just be me and the Amazonian Guard. You wouldn't even know we're there.

SB: Sorry, Moo, I really am. Tell you what, though. My cousin Claudio has a bed'n'breakfast in Palermo. I'll give him a call and see what he can do. Probably be able to get you a decent rate.

MG: Thanks, my friend. I owe you one. Oh, hell, there goes the other line. It's that jackass Walker calling for advice again.

THREE: Tyche or bust.

The possible existence of a new megaplanet called Tyche right here in our very own solar system was announced recently. As we wrap up the devastation of our own planet, the thought of being able to relocate somewhere without having to head into interstellar space is very appealing.

Alas, it turns out that Tyche, if indeed it exists, is a gas giant, making it unsuitable as a sinecure for humanity, but potentially positioning it to have its own nationally syndicated right-wing radio show.

FOUR: Yet somehow I still wish he'd STFU.

Clarence Thomas's rancid voting record as a Supreme Court Justice speaks for itself. Apparently, it has to:

It has been a quiet five years for Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas.

Over that time period, Thomas, an ultraconservative appointed by former President George H. W. Bush, hasn’t uttered a word during a court argument. This fact makes him the quietest justice the court has seen in the last 40 years, according to a recent New York Times article.

And Justice Thomas? Since 1998, he’s spoken an average of 0.03 times per case.

In comparison to the speaking habits of his colleagues, this dubious honor is particularly striking. Since October of 1998, Justice Antonin Scalia has spoken an average of 25 times per case; Justice John Roberts, 22; Justice Stephen Breyer, 19; Justice Sonia Sotomayor, 18; the late Justice William Rehnquist, 14; Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, 14; retired Justice David Souter, 14; Justice John Paul Stevens, 12; Justice Anthony Kennedy, 12; retired Justice Sandra O’Connor, 11; Justice Samuel Alito, 6.

Later this year, Thomas will be celebrating 20 years on the Supreme Court, presumably quietly.

FIVE: How many Senators does it take to screw a country?

In these tumultuous times, when even our God-given right to use obsolete, wasteful and inefficient technology is under attack, it's heartening to know that there are still those who will surrender their incandescent light bulbs only when some America-hating pinko pries them from their cold, dead hands:

Today, U.S. Senator Jim DeMint (R-South Carolina) joined with U.S. Senator Mike Enzi (R-Wyoming) to introduce the Better Use of Light Bulbs (BULB) Act. The legislation would repeal light bulb standards Congress included in the 2007 energy law that effectively bans traditional incandescent light bulbs starting in 2012.

Inspired by these visionary legislators, I took a week off from this column to draft the Deterring Incorrigibly Mendacious Boors from Undertaking Legislative Bullshit (DIMBULB) Act.

The legislation would mandate that anyone intending to run for office in South Carolina and Wyoming be required to pass an intellectual competency test, and that failure to do so would result not only in the putative candidate being immediately disqualified, but also being forced to wear one of those "I'm with Stupid" T-shirts where the arrow points straight up at the wearer's head.

[Cha]

Nice tie in with the republicons first starting in Wisconsin and t"hey're not through with Wisconsin yet", JeffR.

Scott Walker reminds me of the bush coup and its determination to bomb Iraq..only Walker's determined to eradicate Unions and workers' rights with the same yellow cake logic lies fed to the People and enabled by the corporatemediawhores who don't like public workers, either.

[nofurylike]

another excellent Take Five, JeffR!!
i don't know how i can, considering the outrages, but i laugh when i read it. you got the touch. and i need the laugh.
thank you!
looking forward to your next column!

[There Is No Spoon]

(02-23-2011 01:45 PM)JeffR Wrote:  ...

FOUR: Yet somehow I still wish he'd STFU.

Clarence Thomas's rancid voting record as a Supreme Court Justice speaks for itself. Apparently, it has to:

It has been a quiet five years for Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas.

Over that time period, Thomas, an ultraconservative appointed by former President George H. W. Bush, hasn’t uttered a word during a court argument. This fact makes him the quietest justice the court has seen in the last 40 years, according to a recent New York Times article.

And Justice Thomas? Since 1998, he’s spoken an average of 0.03 times per case.

In comparison to the speaking habits of his colleagues, this dubious honor is particularly striking. Since October of 1998, Justice Antonin Scalia has spoken an average of 25 times per case; Justice John Roberts, 22; Justice Stephen Breyer, 19; Justice Sonia Sotomayor, 18; the late Justice William Rehnquist, 14; Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, 14; retired Justice David Souter, 14; Justice John Paul Stevens, 12; Justice Anthony Kennedy, 12; retired Justice Sandra O’Connor, 11; Justice Samuel Alito, 6.

Later this year, Thomas will be celebrating 20 years on the Supreme Court, presumably quietly.

...

Between hearing cases that he should have recused (how on earth can the Firefox spellchecker not know this word???) himself from, his wife's inappropriate political activity and his lack of intellectual curiosity (apparently he simply decides cases based on which side he thinks is more supportive of the right-wing), this fellow has to be one of the worst justices ever. He really ought to be impeached based on all of the improprieties he has committed.

[NJMaverick]

Clarence Thomas is the epitome of the right's core philosophy of ideology over competence.

[RoyGBiv]

(02-24-2011 08:17 AM)NJMaverick Wrote:  Clarence Thomas is the epitome of the right's core philosophy of ideology over competence.

Actually, I think the right's core philosophy with regard to people in such positions is "sign here when we say so, then take a nap."

[Tarheel_Dem]

(02-24-2011 08:17 AM)NJMaverick Wrote:  Clarence Thomas is the epitome of the right's core philosophy of ideology over competence.

Exactly.