A Modest Proposal - Printable Version
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A Modest Proposal - NanceGreggs - 03-10-2012 07:04 PM
Read the full article on the blog.
This weekend, most of the nation’s citizens will be turning their clocks forward one hour. In keeping with the situation, it would seem an opportune time for all Republicans to turn their clocks forward as well – by at least two hundred and fifty years, give or take.
I assure you, the rest of us would welcome you into the 21st Century with open arms.
It might seem a bit overwhelming at first, even frightening, as you enter into a time when women have careers, access to contraception, dominion over their own bodies, a political voice – oh, and the vote. And they use that vote in their own best interests. (I hope that last bit of info wasn’t too jarring to the senses.)
Although it’s been around for a while, we take this separation of Church and State thing pretty seriously these days. We don’t equate wishing someone a happy holiday at Christmastime with rounding up Christians and throwing them to the lions. We don’t consider ourselves to be a godless nation; we just think that rendering unto Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s isn’t a bad model to go by. (You might recall who said that, as you claim to have more than a passing acquaintance with his teachings.)
Here in the 21st Century, we have access to scientific knowledge in the form of documentaries, books, up-to-date magazines, websites, et cetera. We now know with certainty that the Earth is more than 6,000 years old, and that dinosaurs did not roam the planet along with human beings. We’re also pretty sold on this round-Earth concept, and the notion that the planets revolve around the sun.
We have a series of tubes called the internet. We can see what you say back in your own time – and it’s sometimes hilarious. We can also see and hear Republican politicians pretty much every time they make a statement – that means we know about the misrepresentations and the out-and-out lies. You really ought to watch what you say, because here in the present century, we can actually access your every word – no need to rely on the town crier to pretty it up for us and apply the necessary spin. (Well, we do have FOX News, but I digress.)
Our foreign policy has come a long way since the time you still live in. We have come to recognize our role as a global neighbor, and lean towards diplomacy and negotiation to settle differences and advance understanding between nations. We no longer circle the wagons, shoot first, and ask questions later. We tend more towards peaceful solutions – it’s something you might want to get into, if and when you land here in modern times.
We do not live in perpetual fear of people whose religion, language, or customs differ from our own. We do not see every non-white, non-Christian person as being out to get us, bent on the destruction of the country. In fact, we actually enjoy the diversity. We have blacks marrying whites, Christians marrying Jews, children happily growing up in families where their parents’ love for them, and each other, is more important than differences in skin color, ethnicity, or national origin. We even have Muslims building mosques in our neighborhoods – and it’s all working out very well, despite the people from your time who insist that it’s all some kind of assault on your ‘Murican values.
Many of us living in real-time, as opposed to clinging to the past, not only accept same-sex couples, we stand with them in their struggle for complete equality – including their right to marry. We’ve come to realize that there can never be enough love in this world, and who one loves is far less important than the fact they do love. And as of this writing, there has not been a single reported case of anyone’s “traditional marriage” having been destroyed by anyone’s same-sex marriage – so we know we’re on the right track here.
We are as patriotic as you are, back in that time you still insist on living in. Actually, perhaps more so. We have taken this whole “melting pot” idea to heart, and embrace our nation’s newcomers as fellow Americans, just as willing and able to stand up for freedom and democracy as we citizens of longer standing are. We figure that the words “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free” means something important. And so we try to live by them. You might try it yourself – if you ever decide to get here.
This living in the 21st Century has a lot to be said for it. It’s a time where people are recognizing their responsibilities as stewards of our planet, and conservators of our natural resources. We’ve developed an appreciation for the animals and plant life we co-exist with (and pretty much depend upon, if our existence is to be continued), and we’re really not too concerned with how much profit corporations will have to forgo by not being allowed to destroy the natural beauty we have been endowed with.
So we invite you to join us here in the land of the living, as opposed to that dark, dreary place where you stubbornly reside – a place where ridiculous rhetoric replaces common sense, where Biblical storytelling supplants actual history, where people cower in fear and howl at the moon at the behest of the most ignorant among you.
The transition will be painless – and no doubt very enlightening. Just set your clocks forward – waaaay forward – and stop behaving like the country is headed to hell in a hand-basket because a woman chooses to use contraception, a child has two mommies or two daddies, the new neighbors speak with Hispanic accents, the local community center celebrates Hanukkah as well as Christmas, the new store in the strip mall is operated by a Muslim, the school board in your area teaches science instead of the Bible, your children are not allowed to proselytize in the classroom, and Christianity is not shoved down everyone’s throat at every opportunity.
So throw off the bustles and chastity belts, rid yourself of the notion that intolerance is somehow a noble position mandated by your religious beliefs, stop adhering to outdated, outmoded and incredibly ridiculous old wives’ tales about sexuality and relationships, and stop pretending your political spokespeople are representative of anything other than a throwback to times when nothing brought good citizens into line like a good burning-at-the-stake of anyone who didn’t toe the line.
Granted, we don’t have those personal jet-packs we were promised long ago. But we do have an appreciation for what we have accomplished so far, and what we are capable of achieving in the future – your stubborn clinging to the past notwithstanding.
RE: A Modest Proposal - There Is No Spoon - 03-10-2012 07:46 PM
Perfect timing for this article - I can visualize these Neanderthals seeing their clock with a date of 1250 stuck on it for all eternity.
Spot on awesome! - madamesilverspurs - 03-10-2012 08:32 PM
And it gave me something worthwhile to read while taking a break from trying to figure out how to set my hourglass an hour ahead. Hey, cut me some slack, I was raised by republicans. . .
RE: A Modest Proposal - jaxx - 03-10-2012 08:38 PM
Well put Nance, the opportunity is theirs to take. We'd all be better off if they would move forward.
I'd add free remedial American history and civics classes for all Republicans and those who vote for them. Actually learning what the Constitution says would be worth their effort.
RE: A Modest Proposal - SeattleGirl - 03-10-2012 11:27 PM
Well said, Nance.
RE: A Modest Proposal - kahuna - 03-11-2012 09:58 AM
Well done Nance - NJMaverick - 03-11-2012 12:26 PM
you pretty much got to the heart of the matter. The current radical GOP wants to turn back the clock on so many freedoms and social advances that most of us now take for granted.
RE: A Modest Proposal - azmouse - 03-11-2012 02:04 PM
If Republicans weren't so dangerous to our country, I'd almost feel sorry for them.
How terrible it must be to hate everyone who isn't a white Christian male.
On Target! - steel4ever - 03-11-2012 07:47 PM
The Conservative American whipped into a frenzy of hateful ignorance by his insincere political representatives...all for political gain. No matter who. or what, is hurt in the process. Despicable.
RE: A Modest Proposal - sellitman - 03-12-2012 06:28 AM
Great to read one of your Rants again Nance! I saw your post on DU and joined right up as soon as I could. I suspect I'll kick the tires and stick around. Cheers!
RE: A Modest Proposal - NJMaverick - 03-12-2012 06:32 AM
(03-11-2012 07:47 PM)steel4ever Wrote: The Conservative American whipped into a frenzy of hateful ignorance by his insincere political representatives...all for political gain. No matter who. or what, is hurt in the process. Despicable.
Sadly the GOP plays with the fire but we (the nation) always ends up being the ones that get burned